Wanted: Henchmen

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  • 86 replies, read after the jump.
  • I cannot say enough about the amazing responses…just see for yourself.
  • We’re gonna hench the lights out; the game just changed.

Replies

I’m pretty sure we’ve talked before on here when I gave you my name in number and said I was interested but I guess you just don’t really care when people are trying to help you out do you.

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partners?

I’m not really an underling kind of guy, so I’m afraid I’ll have to pass on your offer.   But I always like to give credit where credit is due so I must say:

Well done, sir.

thanks for doing this.  stuff like this is what its all about.

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Im In, When Do I Start, I Have About 4 Years As A Marksman Shooter, Used To Be In The Special Ops Back In 07 Were The Guys That Caught Saddam, I Know Im Over Qualify, So Let Me Know When I Can Start!

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wtf

i have no idea what’s going on but i sure could use some booty, and maybe some looty

i could be a henchmen, i’m adapt in ways of torture and weapons

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I have no idea what this job is about, but I’m interested. Here’s my resume.

Thanks!

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tell me more

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henchin’

Whats good with this henchmen job?

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Dude, lets hench

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WTF??? Are you babbling about???

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You are a fantastic human being. Your post made my day. Continue being awesome. Hope you find the right crew for your operation.

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everything sounds great but this will be the third ad like this I sign up for, its always something whether its a super hero showing up or the boss trying to shoot u to make a point when u mess up how is ur organon different then this and do u offer dental ?

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Hello My name is XXXX and i’m very interested in what you are offering, my skills include but are not limited to: some B/E skills as well as some basic explosives knowledge. I am unfortunately a white male in his mid-20’s but despite my racial handicap I think I could be an asset to your firm. I’d also like to know a little bit more about your organization: Who are you going after? Why? What kind of loot can we expect to get out of this? Thank you for taking the time to read this submission I humbly await your reply.

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HAHAHAHAHAHA WELL DONE!

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Good day.OK, let’s cut to the chase.I really couldn’t tell from your posting what your up to…but ,I’m intelligent, hip, high energy & live downtown.Hope to hear back from you & maybe we can meet.Good luck,

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Please provide more information…

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Ad response

Hey, I’m just checking to see what that Craigslist ad is about exactly.  First of all, that is the best ad EVER.  Second of all, the pictures weren’t showing up for me, so I couldn’t see the crazy awesome uniforms.  Is it a serious ad?  Can I apply?  I have a job, ut this sounds a lot more fun lol.

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???

Im interested in knowing more about this position

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Crazy loot

Dude I am so in on this takeover thing.

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How much crazy loot are you talkin, and will I get arrested?

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I live in XXXX and will be moving back to XXXX area

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hench’d up & suit’d out man for hire

Hello ,

i would like to know more about Operation; coolios comback .

please mail back info ,

thank you

rambo squirl

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Lets do this. Can I wear a cape?

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I have to say, I really enjoyed reading your henchmen wanted post on CL. I linked it on my fb & hope you dont take it down for a while.

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Your ad made my day. I just wanted to share that.

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What? Seriously?

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Dear Super Villain

I have already had my heyday in the spotlight of super villainy but offer you the service of my younger and exponentially stronger clone. Allow my clone to assist you in your masterful plan and if you succeed I may deem you worthy enough to bestow some of my knowledge and experience upon you.

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I am so down with being a henchman. Are you affiliated with the Guild of Calamitous Intent?  please feel free to reply

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Wow,

I caught alot of that, I think, I’m always looking for a better plan than the one I currently follow. If You are willing to share yours, I can be trusted to bow out in secrecy if I’m not on board. I’m a very capable being, versatile, coordinated and I blend well. If you are seeking additional skills, let me know.

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I will be your henchman.

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Okay, I don’t know if this is a joke, a scam, or something really creative.  I’m not that creative, but what the hell – the worst you can do is send this to the trash can.

Enclosed are a resume and a vita for the internet work

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Hola –

Interesting post.  I don’t think Coolio will ever make a comeback, but one of my heros is Al “The Chainsaw” Dunlap.  You had me at Casual Fridays, but world domination is a close second.

If you want to discuss how I can facilitate said Casual Fridays and, of course, world domination, let me know.

Peace.

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Please accept my attached Cover Letter, Resume and References in application for the position advertised on Craig’s List, as “Wanted: Henchmen (Downtown)”, reference Posting ID 2352163488.

I’ve been called a lot of things in my career but “Henchman” is an honr I’ve yet to earn. This may be my big chance.

Please give me a call at the number below, or contact me by return email to discuss this position furthetr.

Sincerely,

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Let’s do this. Unless you’re a cop. Then this is entrapment.

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Henchmen needed?

Greetings sir or madame.

I am Mandavel (Properly: Storm Totem Herald of the Razor Clan and Captain aboard the interstellar dreadnaught Aries’ Regret) and I would like to apply for your position as henchman. Normally I may not stoop so far to the bottom of a command ladder, but times are tough as you’ve stated, and it seems that my upper-echelon education is wasted around these parts. Depending on the work desired, my skills may come of use to you.

I am fluent in seven languages: English, Leetspeak, Bioloid, my native Denaran, Bospular (the language of what you know as Gliese 581d), NYC street vendor, and spoken Morse Code (although the accent is a little difficult to master).

I graduated top of my class after a horrible marching accident claimed the lives of my other 247 classmates. I’d rather not speak any more of it, with your permission.

I am proficient with a war hammer, and expert with the use of directional foam dart weapons.

I hold the patent for clear laminate waterproof book covers (for those who like to exercise their minds while taking a leisurely dive.) I imagine that the income might be used to fuel our fledgling criminal empire.

I am knowledgable with various CD players, and can lay down some rad tunes if any of the other henchmen get bored. I’ve been known to pull some neato dance moves at karaoke bars, as well as impress many a waitress with my magical napkin tricks.

If you still aren’t impressed with my resume, I can hold my breath for an astounding 38 seconds, if for whatever reason we need to swim to safety or are ambushed in a squirt gun battle.

I was once a trusted captain under a merciless warlord, leading battalions of bloodthirsty barbarians into battle with deafening war cries and the pounding of drums, but ever since relocating to a less crowded part of the galaxy, I have yet to find a suitable replacement job, and I’m simply trying to get back into the business in any way I can. I hope that my resume has caught or eye, and my skills have impressed you.

Do call or return with an email if you would like an interview scheduled, and I will free up some time.

Thanks for your time,

Mandavel

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I would LOVE to be a Henchmen (woman)!!! I am a woman and you encouraged me to apply so I am! Ready for world domination! Let me know when I can pick up my uniform! 🙂 I cannot wait!!

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Henchin and wrenchin

Hell yeah I want in! Do you provide ‘sheen guns, or we gotta come with our own? I am a jet engine mechanic, so I can assist Coolio’s Comeback with transportation. We can make that jet pack a reality. When we take over the world, could you hook me up with like, Cuba or something? That would be flippin sweet. I am awaiting orders.

Sincerely,

Hench #1

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thats XXXXing hilarious

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Ok, what exactly is required of this position.  I can’t be caught speeding away from any crime scenes because I let me auto/motorcycle insurance laps.  What do you plan on doing with the world once you have it?

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Hello there!

I am interested in the position available, outlined in your craigslist post.  I am interested in becoming a criminal, but I understand that it takes a lot of hard work, and moving your way up the ladder.  This sounds like a good place to get my feet wet.  Eventually, I would like to land somewhere in the positon of capo or underboss, maybe.  But again, I understand that it will take years of work.  Something, I am willing to commit, is years.  I have committed many unspeakable acts and never been caught.  I have been known to get violent when the occasion calls for it.  And one thing my friends say about me, and a good quality I might add, is loyalty.  Never let a friend go down.  Never let a friend get beat by himself.  I have committed many a breaking and entering.  Many thefts.  Many violent beatings.  And I am what you would call a heavy-hitter.  Anyway, if I seem like I would be a good fit for your crew, please let me know!  Thanks!

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I’d totally be a henchman for some long johns with flames up the side!

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Hey, I don’t really have any henching experience, but I have done some amateur gooning – is that worth anything? Also, are you guild or no?

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lol

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I’m totally down, but I am looking for a career not just a job. Is there room for advancement to say possibly Captain or consigliere? I’ll be looking forward to hearing from you!!

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Uniforms

That was a great job describing a top secret mission.  Now where do I get my uniform?

oh, and it would be nice to have lunch provided once I am back from my operation.  thanks!

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you do no that they make meds for that

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That sounds like an interesting gig. If the pay is decent, I might be interested. I’m a crafty fellow, so I’m fairly sure that I can survive operation: coolio’s comeback. In time, it is likely that i will come to be a valued right-hand man (or major-domo? perhaps even an arch-nemesis?), as my survivability, smarts and sheer ruthlessness will surely make me a valuable addition to your nefarious empire. I look forward to working with you and exploring this one-of-a-kind opportunity, for it is hard being a barbarian in a civilized world.

Also, please send me a sample of the crazy awesome gear mentioned in your ad. If I am to swear my fealty to your organization, I must at least know that it is well-funded.

Thank you

Mr. Pibb

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I love it –

What do you have for a Marine?

Still young and strong!

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Unfortunately, I am not an architect, engineer or CAD user.  But hey, this is one of the best ads I’ve seen on craigslist, so I just had to let you know.  It made my long day worth smiling about.  Good luck with your Henchman search!  Were I qualified, I would definitely give it a shot.

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Hello,

I caught your henchman ad in craigslist, and I feel like I am perfect for the job. I don’t have a resume, but I feel like I have the right credentials

I am:

Terribly inaccurate with any type of firearm

Really good at accents from eastern Europe

I blend really well, I don’t even need a nametag

Also, most importantly, I blindly investigate any suspicious activity without even thinking to call for back up.

Just let me know,

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To whom it may concern,

If I were to be hired as one of your henchman, how soon would I get one of those sweet uniforms?  I believe I would need the flames running up the leg soon to work at my full potential.  And will there be on the job training?  I’ve never henched before, but I believe it would be a valuable skill to learn.

Thanks,

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I’m down, where do I pick up my outfit and my gear?

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awesome.

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Brilliant!

Count me in!

What kind of fabric should I use?

Top of the world!

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Id like to see the resume pile ,are standard weapons allowed or will we be using death rays “) ?Lol damn that’s funny…  I can be reached at henchstaffing services . Org

Thanks for the smile ,

Jeff the thug

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Dude, your post made my morning. That was freaking hilarious! Please see my attached resume’. 🙂

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LOL…where do I apply?

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I am down with the Henchman position.

contact by email please. Recently relocated from Philadelphia.

I can bring my east coast henchman attitude.

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Good afternoon. My name is XXXX XXXX. I saw your post on craigslist and I was interested in the opportunity. Will you send me more information, like what the job consists of, and where to apply? Thank you in advance.

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Whoever you are.. I think I love you…

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WTF?

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Hello,

I would appreciate your consideration for the henchman position you had posted on Craigslist.  I show up on time and ready to work, I maintain a positive attitude, work well with others, am competent and professional, and I am able to come up with solutions to problems that many others might find “impossible” (which might fit well into the whole “world domination thing”.  I have attached my resume for you perusal and I could really use an opportunity such as this right now, so would therefore appreciate you giving me a chance.  I do run my own business in XXXX, but my hours are very flexible and I know my skill set would be of great value to the continued operation and success of your business/takeover.  I have been an outlaw most of my adult life – so I feel I could be very well suited to this type of work.  Just to put it out there – I’m not paying up front for any uniforms.  Thank you for your time, a good laugh and I look forward to hearing from you.  Aloha.

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I’m in. What’s the next step?

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I’m interested in learning more about the Henchmen position that you posted on craigslist.

Is it full time or part time?

Do we have to pay for the uniform? (Not that I mind paying for a james Bond like uniform!)

Do we get more than one uniform? (So we can always have a laundered uniform ready to go… that’s  important to me as a henchman)

What color options do we have with the uniforms??? I like to mix it up when I’m henching.

Would the bags of money you speak of match the uniforms in any way? I really think they should… That would be pretty wild…

Thank you for your time.

XXXX

p.s. I noticed you stated Henchmen, I’m assuming that means you need more than one Henchman…

That’s good… my chances just doubled… at least…

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I am inquiring on the position of henchman you advertised, namely, I have several questions about your operation and qualifications. What qualifies you as a supervillian? Do you posses any form of superpowers, or own some form of robot suit? How big will this “world domination” operation be? I have been a professional henchman for almost 15 minutes, having done nearly countless minutes of reading the first search results that google returned. I just want to make sure you are a legitimate villian, as I have had many bad experiences in my past, getting shot, stabbed, electrocuted and eaten by sharks with laser beams attached to their heads, only to return later through plot inconsistencies. How many other henchman would I potentially be working with?

I can also fill the position of “number two” seeing as my name is proceeded with “dr.”. My doctoral degree is in forestry, but it is really the name that counts. I can speak in a false russian or german accent depending on your tastes, although i speak neither language. In addition to my name and speaking ability, I am a fairly decent makeup artist, and can put a large fake scar across one of my eyes, and laugh maniacally about whatever you wish.

Awaiting your reply, Dr. Ivan “Murderer” McBroom.

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Funny stuff and true

NICE work , where do I sign up?”Why so serious son? “

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i make a good henchman

lemme know.  i can hench it all day & all night.  ALL.

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Funny stuff bro, you want a writing job?

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Henchmen Question

Would I need to work from your lair in XXXX or could I operate from a branch home office in southern XX?

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Hey I MUST LEARN MORE. Henchmen time.

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Dental? What about

DENTAL?

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Henchwoman

I for one welcome our new overlord.

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Why am I a strong addition to your team? Easy, I am a goal oriented, hard working individual with years of henchmen training. While having no on the job training, I have studied in detail the methods used by organizations such as “The Foot clan”, “Cobra”,  “The Galactic Empire”, “The Walmart Corporation”, and “Mordor”. A lot of henchmen will simply sign on to a job and stand there like canon fodder, but put a few beers in me and not only do I lose the ability to feel pain, but gain gorilla like strength. So much in fact, that my punches gain the strength of kicks. I will stand kicking and screaming like an animal until they trank me and I go down like a rabid wildebeest. I look forward to hearing from you and hope to become a new addition to your growing team.

Best Regard, KickPuncher

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So down.  Let’s do this.  I have previous henching experience and can provide references.

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Haunted Wenchmen

O Captain! My Captain!

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what who are you

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Hi,

I hope that we can be professional about this, so i will use my codename: Thunderdark.  I have chosen this codename while I prefer to do my henching from the shadows, I can light up the night so hardcore that it sends babies and people with weak constitutions into fervors of terror.  While I may not have the strength of your typical henchman, I feel my abilites are very well suited to the job as a squad leader.  I have taken many education classes and I used to work at a restaurant so I know how to deal with a diverse group of people, and I have had leadership positions in both.  I am we versed in the henching styles of Chaos, The Galactic Empire, the Romulan Remenant, The Jokerz, and the Monarch, and I have familiarity with the styles of Cobra and the Footclan.  These, coupled with my iron resolve and my deep wish to help someone attain the glory that is world domination, in my mind, make me an excellent candidate.

I will be back in the XX at the end of May should you wish to set up an interview.

Cordially

-Thunderdark

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Hello,

I wasn’t able to fully comprehend the scope of work for this postion, but I’ve got 11 ys Personal Asst. experience, lots of Swagger, and a great attitude.

I’ve attached a copy of my resume, and a current photo.

I look forward to meeting with you soon.

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Coolios Comeback

Coolios Comeback – woman and minority, Im in pastedGraphic.pdf

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I need one of those crazy awesome uniforms !!!!

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operation: coolio’s comeback

Okay, so I’m, intrigued.  I saw your ad on craigslist and would like to know more.

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Im in.  Where do I pick up my cape?

Thanks,

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I’m game with getting booty and a sweet jet pack hit me up with details

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Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing in regards to the ad you have posted on Craigslist in need of henchmen.  I believe I would be the best person for the position for the following reason:

1)  I am inherently evil.  At least, according to my mother I am.  Something about clawing my way out and nurses screaming…

2)  I truly believe in the power of Coolio.  I know he can change the world for the worse, and I have also made it my personal mission to ensure his Return.

3)  I have a true flair for accessories.  I believe I can add true character to the uniform, being that it is just a tad on the plain side.

4)  I am currently in possession of three separate personalities, but require salary for only one.  Think of it… triple the labor for a third of the cost…

Aside from these qualities, I am also highly trained in the potential for a zombie attack.  You know, just in case this all goes horribly wrong?  I also have my own vehicle… it’s not proper for a henchwoman to ride a bus.  I do, however, propose that you change the title to Henchperson, as it’s sexist to assume that it’s a position only for males.  I may be of a wee nature, but I am pure dynamite.

Thank you for your time in reading this, and I wish you the best of luck in filling this position.

D

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Lets rock this piggy!

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